Cypress Phil and the Evergreen Assassins

When you live in Oilville, this is what's considered newsworthy: One of our cypress trees is dying. 

Despite Matt’s recurring proclamations of “going out to water the tree," its condition has been leaving him Insane in the Brain. (Do you see where this is going yet?)

Turns out last week he discovered we have a much bigger problem. Bugs. Super disgusting bugs. Like, wanna blow my house down, head underground, to the next town, disgusting bugs. 

Matt is apparently much more committed to our Real Estate, so he went to go visit Dr. Greenthumb to find out how to send these nasty little critters Boom Biddy Bye Bye

I, on the other hand, couldn’t pass up the opportunity to borrow his olloclip and get a few shots of these disgusting, yet mesmerizing Riot Starters. I named the biggest one Cypress Phil, because I hoped that would make me feel less repulsed at the thought of taking his photo. It didn’t. 

I used the 10x mode because my hands weren't steady enough to shoot at 15x, and I felt like I had to get too close to these guys (who I guarantee will bite) in order to focus. Just look at how they're inhaling our tree—I Ain't Goin' Out Like That!

Everything here was shot with an iphone 5 and the olloclip 4-in-1 lens. And yes, I pulled an amateur move and shot the videos vertically—my apologies.  


Gallery (for those who aren't currently eating):


Phil, in action:

The Assasins:

Parting notes:

A) Thanks to Wikipedia (and “the bug lady” at Stranges) Matt and I were informed that these guys are called bagworms, and they really are a pretty big problem. No word on their ability to attack humans.

B) I do not condone violence or drug use which is apparently all Cypress Hill ever wrote about.

I do, however, support old school hip hop. Especially on Wednesdays.